Disconnected In A Connected World

If we stop comparing apples and oranges, the truth is; We are increasingly emotionally disconnected in a technically connected world.

Sounds obvious right? However, we seem to have assumed that because we’re technically connected, we’re emotionally ‘connected’, and we’re confused as to why simultaneously we’re so lonely.

Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are modern day communication methods. They open up communication lines between people at all corners of the world. They put people in touch with each other like telegrams, telephones and email that came before. However, with these previous technological advancements we were aware that just because we had someone’s phone number, it didn’t actually make us ‘friends’ right?

Just because we connect (technically) on a social network with the label ‘friend’, it does not mean we are friends.

Unfortunately, our technology enabled ‘connected’ world has not connected us emotionally in equal success.

So how have we become so lonely?

A knee-jerk reaction is to identify digital ‘technology’ as the force destroying the social fabric in our homes and communities. Shiny screen time leading us down a rabbit hole, astray from deep and meaningful face-to-face conversations with real human beings.

The reality is there are many factors eroding or replacing quality time that we would’ve traditionally spent creating or deepening meaningful relationships.

#1 Individualism- A culture of ‘me, me, me’

Individualism has been rising steadily over the last 150 years as we witness the collapse of communal identity and the emergence of the individual. We’re encouraged to exist autonomously, unconstrained by long held traditions and no longer beholden to family and community.

The sentiment that we need to ‘stand on our own two feet’, and that becoming a self-made millionaire moving forward with competitive self interest is the path to success, is pervasive in Western culture.

We’ve created a system that means we don’t have to engage, rely, cooperate or even communicate with others. We’ve created systems that enable us to eat alone, work alone, live alone, self-heal alone, grow old alone, be sexually satisfied alone, be entertained alone and die, all alone.

#narcissm #hedonism #selfies

What is the impact on our relationships with others, in a culture that values independence and puts self first?

#2 Eating Culture

Traditionally every culture across the world has spent a lot of time preparing and cooking food. It is an important social trait for humans, which unfortunately has steadily decreased, and since 1965 the time spent preparing meals has dropped by over 50% from 60 minutes to 27 minutes.

We’re in an age of pre-prepared individual frozen dinners and 15 minute meals. Cooking is now optional. We consider ourselves too time poor to spend time preparing meal. Ironically though, we spend more time watching how to cook than actually cooking, and more than 12 times as long googling at a digital screens.

Families also rarely eat together anymore. Traditionally the dinner table acted as a unifier, a place of community and a time to come together and share. It was an opportunity to build and maintain those meaningful relationships that contribute positively to our well-being.

Eating together is particularly important for children. Children who eat dinner with their parents five or more days a week have less trouble with drugs and alcohol, eat healthier, show better academic performance, and report being closer with their parents according to a study undertaken at Columbia University.

Do we have less time for cooking & eating together, or do we have time but our values and priorities have changed?

#3 Technology

Technology has had a huge part to play in changing our social behavior, as it has affected most areas of our lives.

Mobile devices are ubiquitous. 90% of American’s have a mobile phone. In 2016 people spent 1 hour and 39 minutes a day consuming media on their phones , versus 1 hour and 2 minutes in 2015 — a 60% jump. Teenagers are sending up to a 100 texts a day. Addiction or obsession with mobile phones is a real concern, and some recent researches have likened it to substance addiction or gambling.

Entertainment Technology — there’s an increasing variety of media & entertainment content and devices. In 2016, across devices Americans are spending 12 hours & 5 minutes per day of media usage. About 50% of Americans now have subscription services (e.g. Netflix) up from 42% in 2015.

Gaming tragically has been claiming victims for decades right back to the 80’s, having caused or linked to multiple deaths and serious health problems. With addiction affecting two thirds of US families, it’s harm is wide spread and pervasive. An analysis from 2013 on the amount of time people play the popular World of Warcraft reported that 58% of subscribers played 20 or more hours a week with 28% of these playing 30 hours or more. A study in 2014 of ‘Gamer Widows’ report heart breaking stories of relationship demise and desperation, increases in conflict and a decrease in emotional and physical intimacy.

Porn addiction has exponentially engaged the attention of people and had highly damaging affects. It’s estimated in the US that 56% of divorce cases involved one person having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites. With ‘sex’ as the number 1 topic searched on the internet, making up 25% of all search engine requests and 42.7% of internet user’s viewing porn, it is a significant part of our social environment.

Social Media has become pervasive with over two billion active social media users globally — that’s 2/3rds of everyone online. In 2017, Gen X (35- to 49-year-old) averaged 6 hours and 58 minutes per week, 39 minutes more than the 18–34 ‘digital native’ Millennials.

We’ve taken to socializing online like ducks to water. Our engagement with social media has grown steadily, and even exponentially, since it’s arrival in 2007. It’s estimated that a third of Earth’s entire population (approx 2.95 billion people) will be social networking online by 2020.

There are a multitude of social apps to connect us with old friends, keep up to date with each others lives, share photo’s and news, engage in discussions, share knowledge and recommendations, connect over our love of lego or food, make friends, find romantic partners, join a support network, network & colaborate.

Current daily average usage; YouTube 40 minutes, Facebook 35 minutes, Snapchat 25 minutes, Instagram 15 minutes and Twitter 1 minute.

Online Communities & Forums have experienced a boom in the last decade. Technology has enabled communities of any interest, passion, belief, hobby or lifestyle to be setup online with ease. Upwards of 85% of internet user’s have participated in online groups or communities.

But while online communities are flourishing, physical participation in communities and civic engagement has been in free fall for decades.

A common belief about online communities is the 90–9–1 rule; 1% are truly engaged,while 90% lurk and 9% are partially engaged. (The updated reality we read, is more like 55–25–20).

#4 Workplace relationships were redefined in the industrial age when performance became about numbers and individual productivity. In the 80’s over half of us had a close friend at work, which has dropped to less than 30%. The work place has become a functional environment demanding a clear distinction between work lives and our personal lives. We have been discouraged from work place relationships and pitted against each other as employers herald individual achievement.

Summary of Our Social Landscape

1. We strongly value being independent and success is marked by our ability to stand alone.
2. We’re socializing much less during preparing, cooking and eating food as a group, family or community unit.
3. We’re spending 72+ hours per week on digital devices.
4. We’re ‘socializing’ 6–7 hours each week online.
5. Digital devices and content is more affordable, accessible and varied.
6. Many of us are engaging in intimate experiences & relationships online.
7. We participate (although only lightly) in high numbers in online communities
8. We spend a lot of time in the work place where personal relationships are discouraged.

At a very rudimentary appraisal, it would seem that although there are some significant decreases in time spent socializing face to face, that on balance we’re ‘connecting’ more than ever?

Given that all connections are not equal, what is the balance in our social ledger?